why is it called a training bra
what are you training for
the bra olympics
the boob championships
the 100m breaststroke
carpe diem - seize the day
carpe noctem - seize the night
carpe natibus - seize the ass
#no #natibus is the dative plural #meaning there are multiple asses that are indirect objects #if you were being given multiple asses this would be correct#but since you want to seize one ass you need to use the accusative #so you should say ‘carpe natem’ #and that has been a brief latin nerd post about butt(s)
But I want to seize all the butts
- YEAH GIRL I’MMA TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF AND
- put them in a closet for you cause it’s polite
- YEAH BABY THAT’S RIGHT IMMA PICK YOU UP AND
- carry you to your bed cause baby I know you tired
- OH GIRL IMA SLAP DAT
- broom out of your hand because you’ve had a long day at work, and i can do it myself.
- WAIT TILL YOU SEE MA
- collection of politely worded love letters.
- tumblr user: apples are delicious
- another tumblr user: wow um who are you to say whether or not apples are delicious?? that's totally subjective you should've said "*I* think apples are delicious" and even then fuck you how do you think that makes oranges and pears feel? there are all types of different fruit and they're all delicious in their own way and don't need to be judged by assholes like you
- another tumblr user: ^^^ This.
- another tumblr user: *glee gif*
- me: *on tumblr while watching gymnastics*
- me: *reblogs post*
- gymnastics commentator: oh my that was a fantastic tumble!
- me: thank you
My cousin just tweeted “what if 11:11 wishes don’t come true because someone in the world wished they didnt” and now I am speechless
Saying “my friend” is just much easier than saying “this person I follow on tumblr” so you’re all my friends whether you like it or not okay
One day your child will bring home a friend and introduce them and they’ll have the name of a fictional character and you silently whisper “I can’t believe their parents were in ‘that’ fandom!”
- 14 year olds: what are 13 year olds doing on the internet oh my god
My friend from germany made a twitter and I literally cry at all of his tweets
- pedophile: i have candy get in the van
- me: no
- pedophile: the van has wifi
- me: ok
there were 7 billion pieces of biodegradable confetti, to represent each person in the world.
out there, in London, in the Olympic Stadium, there is a piece of biodegradable confetti dedicated to me.
if all my internet friends are 46 year old men then you guys are some fucking good actors